I didn’t know what to say. All I could muster up was a weak “Yes sir, we’re very proud.” Of course I wish we had won a national championship, and of course I wish it was us and not the Jayhawks celebrating in San Antonio that night. But I know what we’ve accomplished, and you had better believe that I’m damn proud of our basketball team just for being there.

Thank you for a wonderful season. I enjoyed nearly every second of it, and sincerely hope that you all decide to return to UCLA for a championship run next year. Yes, even you, Josh Shipp.

Sincerely,

D

On to the things I learned this week.

UCLA needs a Kobe Bryant type

6’6″ to 6’7″, athletic, high leaper, great lateral movement, good ball handler, very tough defensively, great shooter, intense and a team leader.

UCLA coaching staff, get it done.

Hmmm… I wonder why Ben didn’t think of this. Further evidence why Ben Howland should be fired. Seriously, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that all we need to do is recruit Kobe Bryant and we’ll win a national title. Here are Kobe’s stats. 28.6 PPG? Yes please. 6.4 rebounds and 5.4 assists? 6.4 boards would be second on the team! And he plays GUARD! 5.4 assists? That wouldn’t just lead UCLA, it would lead the conference! Best of all, if you ignore the whole turning professional thing, Kobe has FOUR WHOLE YEARS OF ELIGIBILITY since he didn’t go to college! PLUS, he already lives in Los Angeles! Talk about meant to be.

Get it done, Coach Howland. Clearly, Kobe is the player who can lead us to the top. You’re already on the hot seat due to your remarkable ability to take us to three consecutive Final Fours. Here’s an ultimatum – either recruit us a damn Hall of Famer or get the hell out of town.

Otherwise, why would he do it so much?

2. McDonald’s

He always has a bag of Mickey D’s when he’s spotted at the “Bachelor Pad” on Bronwood. Josh Shipp and wide hips? Not a coincidence!

The Clippers are immune because losing and having a terrible owner tends to have this effect where you don’t really feel a huge sense of entitlement – instead you tell your friends things like “Hey, you know it’s not that bad – Josh Powell is really underrated!” Also immune are the LA Avengers, the Anaheim Arsenal, CSU-Fullerton, UCI, UCR, USCB, UCSD, UCSF, and any other California D1 public university that is better known as an acronym.

It’s remarkable, though – someone on ESPN said that the Bruins are maybe not the best team of all time – “OMG ESPN is such bulls**t! EAST COAST BIAS! Yeah we never get any respect, I hope Darren and the other players read this before every game and say that NO ONE BELIEVES IN US!”

Take today for example. Mike Celizic of MSNBC posted this article about Coach Howland saying in essence that even making three straight Final Fours isn’t living up to the legacy of Coach Wooden despite being a monumental acheivement. Here is a sampling of a five-starred (the best) response

“Let down a great program” — ?

“Couldn’t live up to the standards set by John Wooden” — ?

Oh please.

Celizic is just another UCLA hater who vents his venom indirectly by setting CBH up for personal failure if he doesn’t come home with a 12th banner.

Celizic is a hater!!!! HATERS, ALL OF THEM!!!! THEY HATE ME!!!! HE HATE ME!!!! ROD SMART!!!!

Here’s a few quotes from the article if you didn’t read it too thoroughly

Such is the beauty of being considered a great program in sports. Once you’ve got the reputation, it doesn’t matter what you do. If you’re considered great in one era, you’re great forever.

That’s why what Ben Howland has done since leaving Pittsburgh and taking over from Steve Lavin in 2003-04 is so significant far beyond the UCLA campus. He’s taken the Bruins to the Final Four for three straight seasons, the first coach to do that since Wooden retired. In the process, he’s breathed new life into the legend.

Where’s the venom? Where’s the hate? Sure sounds like he’s complimenting the Second Coming to me.

Fact – Mike Celizic made a true statement. Coach Wooden won ten national titles at UCLA. His legacy is impossible to live up to. Perhaps this person is right – I certainly won’t consider it a letdown of the UCLA name if Ben fails to bring this one home, although personally, I would be very disappointed.

He tosses in a mention of the three Final Fours, but Ben’s achievement MUST be seen in context to be properly valued. It’s impossible to conceive how bad the Bruins were post-Lavin unless you saw them play, as I did — beaten decisively by a wretched St. John’s team at MSG during Ben’s first year. After Lav got through with them, the Bruins couldn’t play their way out of a paper bag.

Correct. It MUST be taken in context. As in the context that Coach Wooden won TEN NATIONAL TITLES. This article didn’t compare Ben Howland to Steve Lavin. That would be a rather large waste of time.

Also no mention of the fact that CBH got his team to San Antonio this year with a thin bench and in spite of significant injuries to key players.

Also no mention that CBH has presented UCLA and fans with the #1 recruiting class for 2008-09, complete with the #1 player in the country in Jrue Holiday.

These have nothing to do with anything! ANYTHING AT ALL!

Like I said, garbage. I hope the Bruins tack this stupid column up in the locker room in San Antonio and refer to it often.

I really hope not. I don’t want them to get big-headed. THEN WE MIGHT NOT BE CLASSY WHILE WE WIN!!!

The true irony is that Celizic also said this

But at UCLA, he doesn’t have that luxury. If he’s going to keep going to the Final Four, he’d just better win one. Only that will make him a coach worthy of the franchise. Another one or two after that will qualify him for greatness.

and the board bitches about the lack of respect while simultaneously making fun of other schools for celebrating Final Four appearances. You can’t have it both ways – either the Final Four is a great accomplishment or it’s titles only.

After the Josh Shipp Miracle and subsequent national media bitch storm, I sent out a series of texts that can be summed up in three words – FUCK. THEM. HATERS. Too bad Mr. Celizic is just trying to point out the standards that every UCLA coach tries to hold themselves to.

Hopefully the BRO flipping out section will become a regular occurrence here, because it’s damn funny if more than a little annoying.

1. I’m going to Pauley on Monday – hope to see you there. Don’t forget your BruinCards, and most importantly, don’t forget that we’re going to riot in the streets of Westwood afterwards.

2. I’m starting a blog. My own blog. So I can make fun of things like white athletes, Rodney Van, and how terrible the fanbases of Southern California are. It’s so bad that I actually respect Lakers and Red Sox fans right now (and that’s actually not a shot at any of my friends…)

Remember, Angels and UCLA fans – just because someone roots for or coaches an opposing team, they are not classless – they are just on the opposing side. Post #1 will be “Hilarious things I’ve learned since moving to Southern California.” Dear goodness.